Nick Holt, LCSW is a certified Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, CBT therapist in West Los Angeles, 90025 | Sawtelle
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Nick Holt, LCSW

West Los Angeles Psychotherapy

The Burden of competency

8/4/2017

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I've spent a large part of my life living within core beliefs of not good enough, inadequacy and incompetence.

Out of an almost obsessional pursuit to disprove these internal fallacies, I have been driven to do more, hold myself to "higher" standards and take full responsibility for many neutral-negative encounters I have. As I reflect on a lifetime spent in this default mode, I recognize it's had a significant impact on my contentment, confidence and self-compassion.  

In my personal life, I've had moments of desperately seeking validation from the external world, which rarely comes. It's taken a long time to build reserves from within, find peace with uncertainty and be confident within my voice. 

I know these thoughts and beliefs have distanced me from others -- "less people around me, the less 'burdens' to take on" -- and framed many encounters as a way to get my needs met rather than just sharing space and connection.

I LOVE this piece. It's short but addresses these traits in direct way and acknowledges the impact of highly competent traits in the workforce and in our personal relationships.
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Time to reflect on gratitude, compassion and peace.
 “If someone (in the workforce) is doing more than his fair share, compensate him for it. If not, he may ultimately leave and seek recognition elsewhere. Similarly, in our personal relationships, we should recognize that just because our high-ability partners can do something for us, doesn’t mean that we should let them. And if they do help us, we should recognize it and thank them for it. Otherwise, they too may end up feeling burdened by us, and less satisfied—and that should be the last thing we want to do to a good employee or a good partner.”

#competence #work #relationships #burden #incompetence #inadequacy #therapy #therapist #beliefs #ocpd #perfectionism
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What to do with Worry?

7/19/2016

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This post was originally featured on WellnessUniverse.com.

I recently became a Diplomate in the Academy of Cognitive Therapy (ACT). The ACT is the only cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) certifying agency in the world.

Joining this elite group of therapists is quite an honor. There are many therapists in the world that can say they are CBT trained but only 750 people in the world can say that they are CBT certified.

One of the greatest benefits of being an ACT Diplomate is joining their ListServ. Some of the most prestigious CBT therapists in the world are on this list and share their perspectives on a daily basis. Unfortunately, much of this information does not get outside this small network and the clients they work with.

In a recent ACT ListServ email from Reid Wilson, Ph.D., Dr. Wilson shared some helpful videos about anxiety relating to his new book Stopping the Noise in Your Head. I thought the videos were fun and demonstrate important concepts in CBT.

About Dr. Wilson: He has spent much of his 30+ year career providing free or inexpensive ways to help people combat anxiety and worry, and encouraging them to seek CBT services when appropriate.

In promoting his new book, Stopping the Noise in Your Head, he released a free video series called Noise in Your Head, which follows a young woman, Susan, in her struggles with anxiety.

Here are a few of the highlights from each video:

  1. Meet Your Competitor: Anxiety

    This video normalizes much of the negative and worrisome thinking we experience in our daily lives. It introduces the importance of having an outcome strategy and personal characteristics like grit, trust, and courage.

  2. ​Ditching Content, Welcoming Uncertainty

    Susan discusses how easy it can be to get lost in worry and end up in obsessive, negative thinking. Instead, she suggests acknowledging the worry, uncertainty, and discomfort in the imperfection of our daily lives.


  3. Willingly Seek Out Discomfort

    Susan continues her battle against anxiety by recommending different strategies to cope with anxiety. It’s okay to be scared!

  4. Do the Opposite

    Susan talks about doing the opposite of what anxiety needs — seeking out discomfort! She explores a number of other strategies as well.

  5. Get Scared, Score Points

    Susan pushes herself to confront a situation that scares her. She imagines the experience, acknowledges her emotions, supports herself, and conducts other strategies to face her greatest fear.

  6. Living with Anxiety

    Susan faces down anxiety in his most desperate form. She finishes the series by finding a place for him in her life.
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    Nick Holt

    Mental Health and Therapy Writer. As featured on Huffington Post, Vox Media and elsewhere.

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Nick Holt, LCSW, BCD
​Psychotherapy.
  Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
  Depression & Suicide.
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Blog.
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  • Psychotherapy.
    • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
    • Depression and Suicide.
    • Mens Mental Health.
    • Caregivers and Family.
  • Blog.
  • Contact My Practice.
    • Self Pay Therapy | Out of Network Therapist.
    • My Credentials