The recent celebrity suicides have hit me pretty hard especially as someone who has lost to suicide.

I connect to those left behind. When we have losses like this, for me, suicide loss acts as a cheese grater on my soul, slowly peeling back my own layers of grief. I imagine what those left behind face and are enduring, and, no matter how hard I try to forget, the losses always bring back memories, thoughts and feelings of those I've loved and lost to suicide.

In my time at Didi Hirsch's Suicide Prevention Hotline, I remember staff would talk about call volume spiking, and the need for more counselors to come in to support the many callers who connected to the recent celebrity suicides. These deaths, and the media coverage of the events, always reminds us of our own and others pain.

If you are someone who is struggling with suicidal thoughts, depression or has lost someone to suicide, this will be a difficult time. Please treat yourself well. Reach out to a friend, a loved one. Take that walk or extra time in the gym. Be gentle and kind to one another. It is a good time to invest in ourselves.

If you need additional supports, I've included the below from my depression and suicide webpage as a reminder of resources for you during this difficult time.

If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide or planning to kill yourself, PLEASE take a moment, a breath and remember that if you can delay suicidal impulse, research shows the impulses WILL decrease. There are some incredible volunteers and paid staff that would love to talk with you about what you are struggling with. Please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Hotline (1-800-273-8255).

From my website:

Losing a loved one, family member, friend or even an acquaintance can be devastating. The feelings are complex, the thoughts overwhelming. Everything seems to trigger memories of the person gone, and all memories seem tainted by the nature of death. 

The process of losing someone can make us feel alone. Grief, loss and bereavement are incredibly difficult things to experience, but there are many amazing people and organizations out there for support: 

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention's I've Lost Someone 
American Association of Suicidology's Suicide Loss Survivors
West Los Angeles-based Didi Hirsch's Survivors After Suicide are great places to start.
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#suicide #prevention #call #celebrity #support #suicidal #ideation #intent #empathy #love #connection

Given recent violent events, the tenor of political discourse and the deep divide within our country, I've been searching for a way to better understand what is going on and how to move forward personally and professionally.

I recently came across an article called "Can We Have Compassion for the Angry?" by Laura L. Hayes, Ph.D on Slate.com from 2016.

I love how she differentiates amongst people who are struggling with mental health issues and people with anger issues. I also think it is important to highlight the link between unregulated anger and rage, and the connection to violence.

I've had my share of rageful "conversations" on Facebook, and I find it incredibly helpful to remember that the true issue in play is anger. Unregulated anger and rage is a major issue in our society and one, I believe, few people consider as an significant issue.

According to Dr. Hayes:

"An adult who is able to effectively regulate anger uses it to alert himself to a problem situation. Managed well, it is an extraordinarily effective warning system. Unregulated, impulses are stronger, and thinking is less clear. The poorly regulated adult with enhanced reactivity, impulsivity, and a constant state of fight or flight sees in every interaction the potential for being harmed and the necessity to defend himself. The angrier he feels, the less clearly he will think. His reactions will often be out of proportion to the situation, and he will be prone to violence. Because he sees the world as a constant source of danger, he externalizes blame, to his spouse, children, neighbors, government, and 'others' in race, nationality, religion, or culture. Angry, blaming, aggressive, and unable to modulate his emotions, he can become a danger to others."

and

"Violent crimes are committed by people who lack the ability to regulate and modulate their response to perceived danger. This is not a hypothesis; it is a fact. The individual who lacks the essential skill of using more sophisticated reasoning, perspective-taking, and emotional stabilization to regulate his more primitive fear and aggressive impulses will fall into the pattern of aggressive overreaction again and again, often with escalating levels of violence.

In the end, it is helpful for me to remember that these reflections are just thoughts and feelings we have about ourselves, others and the world. Our brain, self-empowerment and discipline are much stronger, more resilient and adaptable to change, and more powerful than our automatic thoughts and emotional reactions. We are able to change our responses to these provocations.

Dr. Hayes recommends mindfulness as a tool to self-soothe:

For me personally, the next time I see Facebook's algorithm throw me a contentious political or religious dead-end dialogue doomed to fail, I'm going to conduct a quick breathing exercise and throw the below meme onto the discussion:

#anger #rage #issues #mindfulness #thinking #thoughts #reframe #deflection