Finding a therapist is hard. Finding the right therapist in West Los Angeles is harder.

Most people searching for psychotherapy in 90025 look at credentials. Degrees, licenses, certifications, years of experience. These things matter. They're the floor — the minimum standard that tells you someone is qualified to be in the room.

But they don't tell you what you actually need to know.

In over a decade of clinical work — in some of the most demanding environments in Los Angeles — I've come to believe that what makes a therapist truly effective has very little to do with their resume. It has everything to do with who they are.

If you're searching for a therapist in West Los Angeles, Sawtelle, Brentwood, Santa Monica, or the surrounding Westside — here's what I'd look for.

They can hold complexity without resolving it prematurely.
Life is complicated. People are contradictory. The same person can love someone deeply and resent them completely. Can want to change and be terrified of it. Can know exactly what they should do and be completely unable to do it.

A good psychotherapist in West Los Angeles doesn't rush past that. They don't smooth it over with reframes or tidy it up with techniques. They sit in the mess with you until something real emerges.

If your therapist makes everything feel too simple too quickly — that's worth noticing.

They've done their own work.
​The most effective therapists I know aren't the ones who had the easiest lives. They're the ones who had difficult lives and did something honest with that difficulty. Who went to therapy themselves. Who know what it feels like to sit on the other side of the room.

That history — when it's been examined, metabolized, understood — becomes a clinical tool. It creates access. It creates genuine empathy rather than performed empathy.

You can feel the difference. And when you're searching for therapy in 90025, that difference matters.

They make you feel found, not just heard.
There's a distinction that matters enormously in psychotherapy. Being heard means someone listened and reflected back what you said. Being found means someone saw something true about you that you hadn't fully seen yourself.

The right West Los Angeles therapist does the latter. Not by being clever or interpretive — but by being genuinely present. By caring enough to pay real attention.

If you leave sessions feeling processed rather than understood, trust that instinct.

They're honest with you.
Not brutal. Not confrontational for its own sake. But willing to say the true thing when the true thing is what you need.
Therapy in West Los Angeles that only validates is comfortable but limited. Growth requires someone who respects you enough to push back. To name the pattern you keep avoiding. To sit with you in the thing you most want to look away from.

The right therapist is warm and direct. Both at once.

They're imperfect — and they'll own it.
Not every intervention will land. Not every observation will be helpful. Sometimes a therapist will misread a moment, miss something important, or say the wrong thing at the wrong time.

What matters is what happens next.

A therapist who can acknowledge a misstep — who can say "I got that wrong" or "I missed something there" — is modeling something your nervous system has probably been waiting a long time to see. That repair is possible. That honesty doesn't end relationships. That accountability doesn't require shame.

That moment of rupture and repair in the therapy room isn't a failure. It's often where the deepest work happens.
If your therapist is never wrong, never uncertain, never willing to revisit something — that's worth noticing too.

They know their own limitations.
A therapist who is right for everyone is right for no one. The best clinicians in West Los Angeles know who they work well with, what they're genuinely skilled at, and when someone would be better served elsewhere. They'll tell you that honestly — and help you find a better fit if needed.

That's not a weakness. That's integrity.

They understand that the relationship is the therapy.
Techniques matter. Evidence based approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy have real power. CBT in particular — structured, practical, and solution focused — is one of the most researched and effective modalities available. But decades of research point to the same conclusion — the quality of the therapeutic relationship predicts outcomes more than any specific modality.

What happens between two people in that room, the safety, the honesty, the genuine human connection — that's where change actually occurs.

The right therapist knows this. They invest in the relationship first. Everything else follows.

They know their own capacity — and they're honest about it.
This one rarely gets talked about in conversations about finding a psychotherapist in West Los Angeles. But it matters enormously.

A therapist who is overextended, burned out, or carrying unprocessed weight of their own cannot be fully present for you. The ethical responsibility of this work demands that clinicians know not just their clinical limitations — but their human ones.

I've been intentional about this in my own practice. For extended periods I've chosen to limit or pause private practice entirely — not because the work isn't meaningful, but because I hold a demanding full-time clinical role and have a family that deserves my presence. Taking on clients when I cannot give them what they deserve isn't ambition. It's a disservice.

The right therapist asks themselves honestly — not just "am I qualified for this?" but "am I in a position right now to show up fully for this person?"

That question requires self awareness that goes beyond training. It requires humility. And it requires valuing the client's wellbeing above the clinician's ego or income.

When I do take private clients, I take very few. Intentionally. Because I'd rather work with a small number of people with my full presence than fill a caseload I can't adequately serve.

That's not a limitation I apologize for. It's an ethical commitment I'm proud of.

If you're evaluating a therapist, it's worth asking — how full is your caseload? How do you monitor your own wellbeing? What do you do when you're not okay?

A therapist who can answer those questions honestly is someone worth trusting with yours.

So how do you find this person?
Trust your instincts in the first session. Not whether it was comfortable — growth rarely is. But whether you felt genuinely seen. Whether the therapist across from you was actually present. Whether something in you relaxed slightly, even in the difficulty.

That feeling is data.

The right Los Angeles therapist won't feel like a perfect fit immediately. But they'll feel real. And real is where the work begins.

If you're looking for psychotherapy in West Los Angeles, Sawtelle, Brentwood, Santa Monica, or the 90025 area — and something in this resonates — I'd invite you to reach out. A free consultation costs nothing but a conversation.

Sometimes that's where it starts.
​

Nick Holt is a licensed clinical social worker and certified CBT therapist in West Los Angeles, CA. He works with men, caregivers, and high-functioning professionals in the Sawtelle neighborhood. Evening and weekend appointments available. Contact him today.

Nick Holt, LCSW, BCD CBT Therapist | West Los Angeles, CA 90025 310.439.9144 nickholtlcsw.com

I had the honor of joining OKOP Show to talk about psychotherapy — what it actually looks like to work with a therapist, what gets in the way, and some of my own experiences in my work in West Los Angeles therapy practice.

Nick Holt is a licensed clinical social worker and certified CBT therapist in West Los Angeles, CA. He works with men, caregivers, and high-functioning professionals in the Sawtelle neighborhood. Evening and weekend appointments available. Contact him today.

Nick Holt, LCSW, BCD CBT Therapist | West Los Angeles, CA 90025 310.439.9144 nickholtlcsw.com

There's a particular kind of person I enjoy seeing in my West Los Angeles practice. They're successful by every external measure — career on track, relationships intact, responsibilities handled. They're the person other people lean on.

And they're exhausted.

Not in a way anyone around them would notice. They're too good at managing for that. But something isn't working anymore, and they know it — which is usually why they've finally ended up looking for a therapist.

The problem with being capable:
High-functioning men are often the last people to ask for help. Not because they don't need it, but because they've built an identity around not needing it. Competence becomes a trap. The same qualities that make someone effective in the world — self-reliance, stoicism, the ability to push through — can make it genuinely difficult to acknowledge when something is wrong.

I've seen this pattern repeatedly since entering the field in 2009. The men who are hardest to reach are often the ones who need support the most. Not because they're broken, but because they've been performing wellness for so long they've forgotten what it actually feels like.

What CBT offers that other approaches don't:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy works particularly well for high-functioning people because it's honest and practical. It doesn't ask you to dwell indefinitely on your past or reframe your way out of real pain. It asks you to examine how your mind is working — specifically, the thought patterns that are keeping you stuck — and to build more effective responses.
For men who value directness and measurable progress, that structure is often a relief. It feels less like being analyzed and more like doing actual work.

The question worth sitting with:
If you're someone who handles everything, who keeps it together, who nobody would ever describe as struggling — when was the last time you asked yourself how you're actually doing?

Not performing. Not managing. Actually doing.

If you're not sure, that might be worth paying attention to.

Nick Holt is a licensed clinical social worker and certified CBT therapist in West Los Angeles, CA. He works with men, caregivers, and high-functioning professionals in the Sawtelle neighborhood. Evening and weekend appointments available. Contact him today.

2019 brings many of the challenges from 2018 with it, but also a number of positive developments.

I am honored to report my private psychotherapy practice in West Los Angeles, CA 90025 is FULL as I've received 10+ referrals since late December. I have started a waiting list but I continue to support individuals in linking to other certified Cognitive Behavioral Therapy practitioners, and other services most appropriate to their situation, in the area.

My heart is full with appreciation to those reaching out for support. I fully recognize and connect with the privilege of supporting individuals during immense moments of vulnerability and honesty. I also grasp the tremendous disappointment in contacting someone in hopes of developing a therapeutic alliance and learning of their unavailability. This is why I think it is vital to post this update.

I think the recent amount of referrals is reflective of the time of history we are in, the impact of our stressful and complicated lives, and the demonstrated inner strength, curiosity and empowerment of those reaching out. My hope is that it is also a symbol of decreased stigma in seeking out support for what each of us experiences in our respective journeys. I truly believe mental health symptoms are part of our unique humanity, and therefore the significance is not 'if' we are having challenges but 'how' we are attending to ourselves.

May you keep pushing in 2019 for consistency, contentment and compassion in your support for yourself, loved ones, colleagues and acquaintances. I wish you success in your maintenance of the self-discipline and commitment required to continue your exercise, diet, relationship and routine goals. May we continue to replenish ourselves and radiate our emotional energy outwards to others.

Here last year's New Year post. I still feel similar. If it's possible, maybe a bit more grateful -- https://goo.gl/BgMYPe

I am honored to have been accepted into the American Board of Examiners in Clinical Social Work (ABECSW) as a Board Certified Diplomate (BCD) as of September 27th, 2018.

​According to the ABECSW, the BCD is:

#psychotherapy #psychotherapist #westlosangeles #lcsw #boardcertifieddiplomate #bcd

The recent celebrity suicides have hit me pretty hard especially as someone who has lost to suicide.

I connect to those left behind. When we have losses like this, for me, suicide loss acts as a cheese grater on my soul, slowly peeling back my own layers of grief. I imagine what those left behind face and are enduring, and, no matter how hard I try to forget, the losses always bring back memories, thoughts and feelings of those I've loved and lost to suicide.

In my time at Didi Hirsch's Suicide Prevention Hotline, I remember staff would talk about call volume spiking, and the need for more counselors to come in to support the many callers who connected to the recent celebrity suicides. These deaths, and the media coverage of the events, always reminds us of our own and others pain.

If you are someone who is struggling with suicidal thoughts, depression or has lost someone to suicide, this will be a difficult time. Please treat yourself well. Reach out to a friend, a loved one. Take that walk or extra time in the gym. Be gentle and kind to one another. It is a good time to invest in ourselves.

If you need additional supports, I've included the below from my depression and suicide webpage as a reminder of resources for you during this difficult time.

If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide or planning to kill yourself, PLEASE take a moment, a breath and remember that if you can delay suicidal impulse, research shows the impulses WILL decrease. There are some incredible volunteers and paid staff that would love to talk with you about what you are struggling with. Please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Hotline (1-800-273-8255).

From my website:

Losing a loved one, family member, friend or even an acquaintance can be devastating. The feelings are complex, the thoughts overwhelming. Everything seems to trigger memories of the person gone, and all memories seem tainted by the nature of death. 

The process of losing someone can make us feel alone. Grief, loss and bereavement are incredibly difficult things to experience, but there are many amazing people and organizations out there for support: 

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention's I've Lost Someone 
American Association of Suicidology's Suicide Loss Survivors
West Los Angeles-based Didi Hirsch's Survivors After Suicide are great places to start.
​

#suicide #prevention #call #celebrity #support #suicidal #ideation #intent #empathy #love #connection

I had the immense pleasure of catching Dr. Susan David on Mental Illness Happy Hour "Judging Our Feelings" this past week.

She has a wonderful conversation with Paul -- starting at 21 minutes -- about thoughts, feelings and ways of approaching a healthier, more consistent lifestyle. She touches on many vital concepts, which are emerging with greater and greater scientific support.

Two key concepts and reminders I took away from the podcast:

• Thoughts and feelings are "data not directives." You are not subjected to your thoughts and feelings and does not represent our entirety in a given moment. Rather, thoughts and feelings are "a sign post," which provides us with an opportunity of doing things differently.
• Our world view and how we live our lives are simply stories we tell ourselves. Instead of asking if the story is right or wrong, a better question is to wonder if the story is congruent with our desired life. Is our story serving our ideal self? What are steps we can take to better align our ideal and current self? Is our story a prison or is it serving us? "Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life."

Have you listened to this podcast already? If so, what were some of your takeaways?

So many beautiful possibilities in this chat. I highly recommend it.

#thoughts #feelings #mentalhealth #support #love #compassion #beauty

Given recent violent events, the tenor of political discourse and the deep divide within our country, I've been searching for a way to better understand what is going on and how to move forward personally and professionally.

I recently came across an article called "Can We Have Compassion for the Angry?" by Laura L. Hayes, Ph.D on Slate.com from 2016.

I love how she differentiates amongst people who are struggling with mental health issues and people with anger issues. I also think it is important to highlight the link between unregulated anger and rage, and the connection to violence.

I've had my share of rageful "conversations" on Facebook, and I find it incredibly helpful to remember that the true issue in play is anger. Unregulated anger and rage is a major issue in our society and one, I believe, few people consider as an significant issue.

According to Dr. Hayes:

"An adult who is able to effectively regulate anger uses it to alert himself to a problem situation. Managed well, it is an extraordinarily effective warning system. Unregulated, impulses are stronger, and thinking is less clear. The poorly regulated adult with enhanced reactivity, impulsivity, and a constant state of fight or flight sees in every interaction the potential for being harmed and the necessity to defend himself. The angrier he feels, the less clearly he will think. His reactions will often be out of proportion to the situation, and he will be prone to violence. Because he sees the world as a constant source of danger, he externalizes blame, to his spouse, children, neighbors, government, and 'others' in race, nationality, religion, or culture. Angry, blaming, aggressive, and unable to modulate his emotions, he can become a danger to others."

and

"Violent crimes are committed by people who lack the ability to regulate and modulate their response to perceived danger. This is not a hypothesis; it is a fact. The individual who lacks the essential skill of using more sophisticated reasoning, perspective-taking, and emotional stabilization to regulate his more primitive fear and aggressive impulses will fall into the pattern of aggressive overreaction again and again, often with escalating levels of violence.

In the end, it is helpful for me to remember that these reflections are just thoughts and feelings we have about ourselves, others and the world. Our brain, self-empowerment and discipline are much stronger, more resilient and adaptable to change, and more powerful than our automatic thoughts and emotional reactions. We are able to change our responses to these provocations.

Dr. Hayes recommends mindfulness as a tool to self-soothe:

For me personally, the next time I see Facebook's algorithm throw me a contentious political or religious dead-end dialogue doomed to fail, I'm going to conduct a quick breathing exercise and throw the below meme onto the discussion:

#anger #rage #issues #mindfulness #thinking #thoughts #reframe #deflection

(Post originally featured on Rodale's Organic Life. Now found here.)

I'm honored to have been featured!

8 Little Ways To Build Mental Strength Every Single Day
By Shelby Deering

​Simple steps to becoming a more resilient, mentally tough person.

You don’t have to be the Dalai Lama or Oprah to achieve mental clarity and toughness. With some practice and armed with tips and tricks, you can find mental strength and in turn, improve your thinking patterns.

We asked a gamut of mental health pros—a therapist, a mindfulness coach, and an Olympian—to weigh in on what methods lead to better mental strength. They all have gone on personal journeys to discover their own mental toughness.

Nick Holt, LCSW, a certified cognitive behavioral therapist, shares that he is a “professional and personal survivor of suicide,” facing substance abuse and mental health challenges since he was a child. Lara Jaye, CEO of Lara Jaye LLC, is an author, speaker, and mindfulness expert who once dealt with depression, a marriage that was falling apart, and substantial health issues. Joanna Zeiger, PhD, is a professional triathlete and Olympian who says that she’s not a “natural” and lived an athlete’s life littered with injuries and unmet goals.

What do these three have in common? They dug deep and uncovered grit and determination to reach their versions of mental strength. Here are 8 practices you can start doing today to build up your own.

Increase Your Awareness Of Your Thoughts

Mental strength is important, says Holt, because “the world is full of uncertainty, change, and negativity.”

“In empowering ourselves to have a more connected, disciplined, and resilient existence, we increase the likelihood of having more contentment, support, and intimacy in our lives,” he says. And all that mental strength often starts with something that is equal parts simple and challenging—awareness.

“Personally, it’s taken me a long time to connect to many of my thoughts and feelings,” Holt says. “For the majority of my life, many of my thoughts and feelings passed by without much attention. They were fused into my daily behavior. These thoughts and feelings guided my life without much consideration of the validity or usefulness of them.”

Now Holt harnesses their power by observing his own life experiences, especially when negative situations occur. “As you enter this new level of connectedness to yourself, your thoughts, and your body, you enter a path of improving your confidence and self-esteem. You become more disciplined, experience more comfort within discomfort, and ultimately, become more mentally tough,” says Holt. (Here’s how to quit your negative thinking once and for all.)

Jaye believes that awareness starts by “silencing the mind chatter.” She says, “Become aware of the radio station that is running in the background. How are you talking to yourself? What do you really believe about yourself? Journal your thoughts.

Practice Visualization

Visualization is a technique commonly applied by athletes, something that Zeiger writes about in her book, The Champion Mindset. But it’s a method that’s not limited to athletes.

“I cannot emphasize enough the importance of visualization,” she says. “Visualization is an opportunity to mentally practice a situation so when the situation arises you are ready to conquer it. Most of the time, people use visualization to imagine perfect scenarios. In sports, it would be the perfect race, and in business, it could be closing an important deal and going over the conversations and actions that would lead to the deal being made. These types of visualizations, where everything occurs smoothly, are important rehearsals that can instill confidence.”

She adds that visualization can result in mental preparedness for whatever may happen, saying, “Most situations in life do not go smoothly. So, imagery during visualization does not only have to be just about success, but also how to handle glitches. I call these ‘disaster scenarios.’ At some point, disaster will strike, and you will be empowered through your imaginary practice to figure out how to navigate the difficulty.”

Jaye practices visualization every morning, setting her alarm a half hour before she needs to get up for the day. “I use that time to focus on what I am grateful for in my life, and then I do a 15-minute meditation focusing on my ideal outcome of some specific situation, including how I will feel when it happens. Sometimes I’m creating my life five years down the road, other times, I’m seeing my next speaking gig and what I’m communicating to the audience. Sometimes I’m envisioning myself happy, healthy, and fit, living on a warm beach. Every morning, it resets my mind and body to remember my goal and to feel what it will feel like when it arrives,” says Jaye.

Employ Positive Self-Talk

Positive self-talk is the thing that overtakes those negative thoughts when they creep in. Zeiger explains that when athletes endure long races, there are always rough patches that can easily lead to negative self-talk. “Athletes tell themselves things like, ‘I suck,’ or ‘I should just quit.’”

Anyone can experience similar thoughts, even if they’re not in the middle of a race. Negativity can surface when you’re sitting in traffic, having a disagreement with a partner, or facing a health crisis. “Positive phrases during these times, [such as] ‘This will pass’ and ‘I am a warrior’ will help alleviate the burden of the tough patch,” says Zeiger. “Every day, we are confronted with situations that can cause angst. The way we react will dictate the ability to move forward quickly. Our thoughts are powerful and can change our mood quickly from positive to negative or from negative to positive.”

Come Up With A Mantra And Use It Often

Once you’ve mastered the art of positive self-talk, pick a mantra for yourself and use it often, says Zeiger. It can be a favorite quote or a personal phrase that you’ve devised that just feels right when you say it to yourself.

Having a mantra naturally arise in your thoughts will no doubt take some practice and patience. Zeiger says, “Practice mental toughness. Just because you want to be mentally tough doesn’t mean you will be mentally tough. It takes a lot of practice.”

Be Mindful And Engage All Your Senses

Mindfulness is also something that can lead to more self-awareness. Jaye separates mindfulness from meditation, saying, “People often use meditation and mindfulness interchangeably, but they are different. Meditation is a way to practice being mindful. It’s to engage in contemplation or reflection.”

Jaye recommends using meditation as a way to become more mindful, alongside deep breathing, yoga, walking, spending time in nature, dancing, and eating. “Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us,” says Jaye. “To become mindful, you can bring all five senses into whatever you are doing in the present moment.” That means allowing yourself to fully taste your food, slowing down to feel a warm breeze, or quite literally stopping to smell the roses.

Prioritize Self-Care And Quiet Time

Peaceful moments infused with self-care rituals can help you recharge your batteries so you can practice mental toughness the next day. Holt says to practice self-care and self-compassion “daily.”

Holt adds that self-compassion can only be experienced once we choose to be vulnerable. “Vulnerability is the portal that can lead to an appreciation of acknowledgment, empathy, compassion, nurturance, self-care, and much, much more,” Holt says.

Zeiger knows that even athletes need to power down. She says, “Mental toughness is not just about ‘going hard.’ It’s also about knowing when to fold your cards.” And she says not to judge yourself when you need a mental break.

Jaye is an advocate for using silence to get in touch with your true feelings and thoughts. “Be still. Take that quiet time each day to reflect, offer gratitude, meditate, and become mindful of the present moment without judging it,” she says.

Don’t Be Afraid To Experience Emotions

Emotions can undoubtedly be scary at times. None of us really want to face our confidence issues or the unhappiness we experience with a spouse. But Jaye says that it’s essential to feel all those emotions as they come up so you can begin to harness the mental strength you’re thirsting for. “Stop numbing yourself,” she says. “Welcome the emotions and thoughts. Allow your body to feel.”

Jaye also recommends using something called the RAIN Method when you become overwhelmed with emotions.

R: Recognize what you’re experiencing and thinking
A: Accept your emotions
I: Investigate these thoughts and emotions
N: Non-judgement of thoughts and emotions

“Just allow [the emotions] to pass naturally, because what we resist persists,” says Jaye.

Remove Yourself From Negative Situations

And if all else fails and mental toughness seems out of reach, it might be time to simply remove yourself from any negative people, places, or situations that weaken you or affect your thoughts.

Jaye says, “Notice the people and circumstances that are triggering you. Become aware and journal your thoughts.” In this same spirit, Holt says that it’s key “deepen your commitment to yourself and the people who make you feel good.”

“It is hard to be mentally tough if you are doing something you dislike,” Zeiger points out. “If you are stuck in a situation where you are unhappy or hate what you are doing, if at all possible, remove yourself from that situation into something more likable. If it is not possible—for example, you are stuck in a job you dislike and cannot move—make a list of the positives and focus on that rather than the negatives.”

Because at the end of the day, that is the foundation of mental strength. Focus on the positives, cast the negatives aside, and fixate on being the very best version of yourself.

#anxiety #tools #techniques #cognitivebehavioraltherapy #cbt