It took me a long time before I realized the depths of my anxiety. For much of my life, I self-managed my discomfort by doing -- sports, hobbies, education, friends, family, writing and more. My checklist of "to-do's" helped regulate an early experience of feeling out-of-control, and gave me a sense of empowerment over my life.
It has taken me even longer to breakout my nuanced thoughts and feelings encompassing my anxiety. I am still learning, and still reminding myself of the importance of psychotherapy. Psychotherapy can be an important space of safety for exploration, understanding and compassion, and in rekindling my awareness and intention.
With clients, I sometimes share a lighthearted prompt: "I'm not only the hair club president... (I'm also a client)." It's meant to be a reminder that mental health and psychotherapy is not only about knowing but remembering.
We all drift from our good-enough selves. Being adaptable, resilient and committing time to reconnecting with our passions, purpose and cultivating a process to do so is most important.
We (men) struggle to do this, and this is one of the reasons why I love working in the field of Men's Mental Health in West LA.
It is hard enough for men to care for their physical vulnerabilities, let alone exposing our emotional selves. From a young age, boys are encouraged to "suck it up" and "walk it off." Messages of repressing pain and discomfort still permeate our culture.
Unfortunately, there is a consequence to this. Learn more about the challenges of men seeking support:
Studies show that men who equate seeking assistance with weakness, or the appearance of not being able to handle their own problems, experience more soured relationships with their significant others, higher rates of debilitating illnesses, and earlier death.
Let us remember to take good care of ourselves and one another. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to reach out. I am happy to share my perspectives.
#men #masculinity #love #caring #anxiety #psychotherapy #thoughts #feelings #empowerment #reachingout #trust
I was talking with someone today about how difficult our lives can be. Our conversation intensified as we entered the specifics -- working, families, politics, exercise, hobby, income, retirement, safety.
As we hit a high point in the conversational anxiety, a small Finch plops down on the chair in front of us, stares into our eyes, flicks his wings and barks at us before flying off.
In that moment, he understood so clearly what we needed.
Here's one of my favorite #breathing exercises I use to reconnect with myself in times of #distress:
According to the people I learned this from, if you wish to gain energy, take longer inhales and shorter inhales. For less energy, breathe shorter inhales and longer exhales.
#grounding #love #earth #stillness #letgo #peace #breathe
-- Enjoy your day
I've spent a large part of my life living within core beliefs of not good enough, inadequacy and incompetence.
Out of an almost obsessional pursuit to disprove these internal fallacies, I have been driven to do more, hold myself to "higher" standards and take full responsibility for many neutral-negative encounters I have. As I reflect on a lifetime spent in this default mode, I recognize it's had a significant impact on my contentment, confidence and self-compassion.
In my personal life, I've had moments of desperately seeking validation from the external world, which rarely comes. It's taken a long time to build reserves from within, find peace with uncertainty and be confident within my voice.
I know these thoughts and beliefs have distanced me from others -- "less people around me, the less 'burdens' to take on" -- and framed many encounters as a way to get my needs met rather than just sharing space and connection.
I LOVE this piece. It's short but addresses these traits in direct way and acknowledges the impact of highly competent traits in the workforce and in our personal relationships.
“If someone (in the workforce) is doing more than his fair share, compensate him for it. If not, he may ultimately leave and seek recognition elsewhere. Similarly, in our personal relationships, we should recognize that just because our high-ability partners can do something for us, doesn’t mean that we should let them. And if they do help us, we should recognize it and thank them for it. Otherwise, they too may end up feeling burdened by us, and less satisfied—and that should be the last thing we want to do to a good employee or a good partner.”
#competence #work #relationships #burden #incompetence #inadequacy #therapy #therapist #beliefs #ocpd #perfectionism
I'm excited to share my brand new private practice brochure! I just spent a few solid hours working with the amazing staff at FedEx to finish.
Fun cultural fact: If you Google, "to see if working together would be a good fit" with quotations, 90% of websites listed are from therapists. Apparently, we're the only ones who use that phrase.
Learn more about my certified Cognitive Behavioral Therapy West Los Angeles psychotherapy practice.
#therapy #therapist #westla #westlosangeles #90025 #cbt
Emotions are part of our daily lives. The breadth of feelings within the human condition are what makes life interesting, exciting and dynamic. Our experiences influence our moods, and our thinking plays a big part in how we feel.
Unfortunately, life is not always positive. For many of us, it is only a matter of time before we are confronted with relational, social, career-related and familial changes. These adaptations are normal, but create certain emotional states. Depending on our prior experiences and beliefs about ourselves, the world and others, our biased reactions may become distressing. This stress becomes problematic when it does not improve, increases in consistency, and impacts our social, occupational and other important areas of our lives.
Major Depressive Disorder affects over 16 million people in the United States. Typical reactions include issues with sleep, appetite, weight changes, loss of energy, interest in daily activities and pleasure, decreased focus or concentration, thoughts of suicide and more. If you find yourself stuck in a cycle of depression, self-help techniques may not be enough. It can be difficult to find appropriate social supports and tools to reframe many of our negative thoughts.
If you find yourself struggling with your symptoms, I recommend finding a certified Cognitive Behavioral Therapist in your area.
According to the Beck Institute, “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a time-sensitive, structured, present-oriented psychotherapy directed toward solving current problems and teaching clients skills to modify dysfunctional thinking and behavior.” For mild and moderate depression, CBT has been shown to be as effective as psychotropic medication.
Depressed mood is part of our lives, but suffering doesn’t have to be.
Here are 3 ways you can try to improve your mood:
1. Increase your awareness of your thoughts, feelings, behaviors and situations when negativity seems strongest.
I know it’s overly simplistic, but just because you think something doesn’t make it true.
In our culture, we confuse thoughts and feelings, and are likely to believe our thoughts are biologically ingrained and incapable of change. CBT labels these reflexive thoughts as “automatic thoughts.”
To combat the distress created by automatic thoughts, beginning a process of observing our thinking and feelings in a non-judgmental manner and paying attention to situations when we are more sensitive to negative emotions is imperative. This practice deepens our awareness of our thoughts, connects them with specific situations, triggers and themes, and can improve our confidence in managing our own internal pain.
2. Deepen your commitment to yourself and people who make you feel good.
When it comes to depression, the best cures are action and increasing social supports.
But this is the insidious nature of depression. When we do not have the energy, interest, sleep or concentration to engage and connect with activities or supportive loved ones, we don’t do it. If we continue not to do something, we feel worse and become more likely to avoid the task. This sort of self-defeating emotional reasoning — “I feel, therefore I am/think…” — can be a significant impediment in moving forward in our lives.
Empowering ourselves by committing to a goal of activity and supportive connection is a disciplined way of exercising self-care and self-compassion. Both of these concepts are vital in combating depressive episodes.
3. Practice daily self-care and self-compassion.
I know it sounds simplistic and contrived, but you have to regularly take care of your physical and mental health. But don’t worry, it’s a lot easier than you think.
Self-care might include exercise, spending time with supportive others, in nature and by yourself, psychotherapy, nutrition, personal training, massage, intentional nothingness (e.g. being intentional in doing nothing), coping cards, reading and many more activities.
Self-compassion might include treating yourself with love and kindness, decreasing self-blame and self-loathing, increasing emotional tools and coping mechanisms, and more.
Rather than thinking of your depressed mood as being representative of you, try thinking of it as a cue or reminder that it’s time for some self-care and self-compassion.
And with that, I’m off to spend some time with my family outdoors. Here’s hoping you find something to rejuvenate, recharge and refresh yourself today.
Nick Holt, LCSW is a certified Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, CBT therapist in West Los Angeles, California. As an BBB Accredited Business, he runs an intentionally small, part-time private practice for clients looking for targeted mental health treatment and support on weekends and evenings. His specialties include treatment for depression, anxiety, trauma, grief and loss for survivors of suicide, and support for suicidal ideation.
I spent the better of my late 20's absorbing videos on Ted.com. I thoroughly enjoyed soaking in the latest research, creativity, authenticity and life experience. I am still a huge fan.
As I was reviewing old videos over the holiday weekend, I was struck with the words of Julian Treasure in the above video.
He carves out a powerful vision of conversation, compassion and connection:
"What would the world be like if we were speaking powerfully to people who were listening consciously in environments which were actually fit for purpose? Or to make that a bit larger, what would the world be like if we were creating sound consciously and consuming sound consciously and designing all our environments consciously for sound? That would be a world that does sound beautiful, and one where understanding would be the norm."
He calls out some high-level insights in speaking with others so they WANT to listen:
"I'd like to suggest that there are four really powerful cornerstones, foundations, that we can stand on if we want our speech to be powerful and to make change in the world ... The (acronym) is "HAIL" ...
'H: Honesty, of course, being true in what you say, being straight and clear.
A: Authenticity, just being yourself ... standing in your own truth.
I: Integrity, being your word, actually doing what you say, and being somebody people can trust.
L: Love. I don't mean romantic love, but I do mean wishing people well ... if you're really wishing somebody well, it's very hard to judge them at the same time.'"
Bravo Julian. I commend your wisdom and thank you for sharing your insights with the world.
My grandfather was an United States Navy Lieutenant Commander in the Pacific during World War II. One of my best friends, Army 82nd Airborne during OEF/OIF.
I can't imagine signing over my life to the unknown, and deeply respect their devotion to our Nation.
I've worked with veterans at the West Los Angeles Veterans Affairs as a volunteer and intern. I spent three years working at DMH's Veterans and Loved Ones Recovery (VALOR) program helping VA healthcare eligible and ineligible move forward in their lives. In my full-time position, I am still helping veterans link and engage with the VA.
This weekend is a reminder to me to celebrate their discipline, commitment and experiences. They deserve better.
Here's a portion of a piece I wrote a few years ago:
"Many homeless veterans have been through a great deal. Despite the adversity, they continue to demonstrate remarkable agility. I have seen them survive on jetties in Long Beach, in the iceplant on the sides of our freeways, and other areas not meant for human habitation. The odds of success are clearly stacked against them. Yet, after developing a trusting relationship with homeless veterans, I have seen them become more open to changing their lives. In fact, I have seen some of the most hopeless thrive once housed. To me, it is another reminder of our human potentiality. As a wise instructor once told me, “Your view of your clients as being either weak or strong is often a reflection of how you look upon yourself ... choose strength.”
Raising a small child brings all sorts of challenges. Lately, I've found myself waking up early and preparing lunches. During these pre-dawn hours, I've fallen in love with a number of podcasts and listen to them regularly.
As a certified Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, CBT therapist in West Los Angeles, I was highly impressed by Alix Spiegel and Lulu Miller's first episode of Invisibilia, "The Secret History of Thoughts". It was a compelling exploration of our thoughts and an interesting analysis of mental health's view of thoughts.
The contrast of psychoanalysis, cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness and meditation was useful and relevant not only for people experiencing symptoms like depression or anxiety, but also a good reminder for me as a therapist.
Check it out and let me know what you think.
I listen to WTF regularly. I find Marc Maron's conversations to be deeply intimate, connected and I find he also uses many techniques found in Motivational Interviewing and therapy to help his interviewee relax, open up and begin to share extremely personal details about their lives.
The conversation gets into mental health topics with AJ Mendez Brooks around 39 minutes. Highly recommended!
An open, first-person authentic account of life, career and relationships and the trials and tribulations associated with mental health challenges including depression, mania and suicidality, and some of the challenges in seeking support.
Lots of wisdom in this for all. Bravo Chris.
Mental Health and Therapy Writer. As featured on Huffington Post, Vox Media and elsewhere.